To understand how Jessica managed to wrap me around her little finger and convince me that we should travel to Italy, you first have to understand how much she loves Disney World. That began because she loves Disney movies, which begat an unfortunate fascination with Disney princesses (“Sweetie, I’ve just been asked to work on…

There was a time in my life when I was allowed to have some personal dignity. That time ended the day I went into labor and people started wandering into the delivery room and feeling me up with impunity. So Jessica and I are waiting for one of those damned D.C. subways, and it arrives,…

  “We should go to the Eastern Market today,” Jessica says as we stand on the sidewalk outside our hotel. Other people would have decided what they were going to do by now, but I have rather intensively planned three days of activities and now my brain is done. It is a beautiful Saturday morning,…

Jessica is hanging over my left shoulder. “Are you buying the tickets?” she asks. “The airline tickets to Italy.” “Mmm,” I say, not quite clicking “buy now.” I have checked the bank balance, and I have checked the dates, but the idea of dealing with luggage and trains and Jessica and I don’t speak the…

“Jessica wants to go to Italy for vacation,” I tell my friend Mary. “Italy?” “I know. Maybe I can talk her into Key West or something.” “You would love Italy. Italians are brusque but friendly.” “Um, okay,” I say. Then: “Oh. You mean like me.” “Exactly. You will fit right in.” “Except I don’t speak…