Sometimes it gets crowded in here with all four of us vying for attention. And sometimes it’s exhausting because everyone wants to write a book and they’re all, “It’s my turn!!!” and then I’m all, “Well, whose turn is it to do some promotion? Or, you know, pay the rent?” And then it gets really quiet.
Finally Jessica Starre said, “Oh all right, what do you want me to do?”
And I said, “Can you please write a blog post for Monday?” and she was all, “About what?” and honestly. Don’t these people have any imagination?
Anyway, I said, “Okay, so what’s the book you’re working on about?”
“I never talk about works in progress!” Jessica exclaimed, scandalized. Which is a total lie, she’s always on Facebook talking about what the characters are doing. Also I know for a fact she was making out with a secondary character in a novel she’s revising and then giggling to Jenny Jacobs about it.
“Fine,” I said because someone has to take the high road. “Talk about something you’ve finished.”
“Did I tell you about Charles?”
“Who is Charles?”
“He’s a character in my WIP. And he is ah-mazing!”
“But I can’t talk about work in progress.”
“And somehow this unexpected thug showed up in Chapter Four.”
“An unexpected thug.”
“It’s not supposed to be that kind of story. And Miranda, she’s the heroine—”
“Where do you get these names?”
“Shakespeare. Duh. So, Miranda—”
“She doesn’t happen to be Prospero’s daughter, does she?”
“I already made that joke in the book. Sometimes you repeat yourself.”
“Well, sometimes I can’t remember who I talked to, there are so many of you.”
“I’m the slightly cynical one, Jenny Jacobs is the sweet one, and Alicia Thorne is the bitch.”
“I know, I asked Alicia when she’s going to deliver her next manuscript and she said, ‘Kiss my ass.’”
“And that gave her a book idea, didn’t it?”
“Are we done here?”
“We haven’t actually done anything.”
“I have to get back to work. Miranda’s about to seduce the thug, and that’s totally not in the plot.”